True meaning of ‘service’

I became confused when I heard the word ‘service’ used with these agencies. South African Revenue ‘Service’ Postal ‘Service’ Telephone ‘Service’ Municipal ‘Service’ Civil ‘Service’ South African Police ‘Service’ Customer ‘Service’ This is not what I thought ‘service’ meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ‘service’ a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I am. Bookmark It Hide Sites

Courtesy Fart

When someone accidentally farts and is embarrased, you should, if you have one ready, let one fly as well. This is a courtesy fart. This is an opportune time for you to release since then the two fart smells will interfere and no one will discover how unbelievibly nasty your ass is. Boris farted as he bent over to pick up his shuttlecock at the badminton tournament. Shung Fe felt so bad for him that he offered up a courtesy fart. Unfortunately Shung Fe’s rice and eggnoodle fart could not completely mask the liverwurst and vodka fart from Boris, and everyone had to leave the court for 15 minutes. Bookmark It Hide Sites

Neighbornet

What you get when you connect to your neighbor’s wireless (or wired, for that matter) internet, with or without his or her knowledge. Didja hear? Johnny connected his wireless ethernet card to his neighbor’s wireless network, and now he’s got neighbornet! Bookmark It Hide Sites

Know thy President Eish!

ZUMA’s WIVES Number one Sizakele Khumalo – whom he met in 1959. She lives at his rural R1,5-million home at Nkandla in northern KwaZulu- Natal and they have no children. Number two – Ex-wife Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma – Foreign Affairs Minister – with whom he had 4 children – Msholozi, 24, Gugu, 22, Thuli, 21 and Thuthi, 19. They divorced in June 1998 due to “irreconcilable differences.” Number three – Late wife Kate Zuma – with whom he had 5 children – Saady, 29, twins Duduzile and Duduzane both 25, Phumzile, 20 and Vusi. She committed suicide on December 8, 2000 after apparent strained relations with Zuma. Still on honeymoon Nompumelelo Mantuli Zuma – whom he married in January. She has 2 children Thandiswe, 7 and 8 month old Sinquobile. Waiting in the wings Thobeka Stacey Mabhija – with whom he has two children, including a 5 month old baby Mrs … Continue reading

Tweetless

Refraining from tweeting. Finding that you have nothing to tweet or write. Drawing a blank when contemplating your Twitter page. Also used when one is stunned or surprised by something viewed on Twitter. I’m tweetless after hearing that Aston Kutcher has stopped evangelizing Twitter. With nothing to do but describe my latest latte buying excursion I suddenly found myself tweetless. That boring Oprah was mercifully tweetless today. Bookmark It Hide Sites

Financial crisis jokes

What’s the definition of optimism? An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening. What’s the difference between the BBC’s business editor Robert Peston and God? God doesn’t think he’s Robert Peston. I talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one outside Boots yesterday. Record unemployment levels have been announced today as the credit crunch tightens its grip. Icelandic bank robbery is reported to be among the worst hit sectors. What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. A man went to his bank manager and said: ‘I’d like to start a small business. How do I go about it?’ ‘Simple,’ said the bank manager. ‘Buy a big one and wait.’ The credit crunch is getting bad, isn’t it? I mean, … Continue reading

Zombie Company

1. A technically bankrupt company that is kept alive with large infusions of government money for the sake of “stability” in the U.S. financial system. 2. A large financial company with negative net worth that continues to operate, despite having no clear path to solvency. 3. The UnDead of Wall Street. “AIG is the premier example of a zombie company — kept alive only by $120 billion in federal bailout money. Apparently, it’s considered too large to fail.” Bookmark It Hide Sites

Two Crocodiles

Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, I can’t Understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it. Well, said the big croc, what have you been eating? Politicians, same as you, replied the small croc. Hmm… well, where do you catch them? Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Union Buildings. Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them? Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg and shake the shit out of them then eat ’em! Ah! says the big crocodile, I think I see your problem. You’re not … Continue reading