Bill Gates and GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on, because at a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:’If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that gave 1,000 miles to the gallon.’ In response to Bill ‘ s comments, General Motors (GM) issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash… twice a day. Every time they re-painted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, … Continue reading

True meaning of ‘service’

I became confused when I heard the word ‘service’ used with these agencies. South African Revenue ‘Service’ Postal ‘Service’ Telephone ‘Service’ Municipal ‘Service’ Civil ‘Service’ South African Police ‘Service’ Customer ‘Service’ This is not what I thought ‘service’ meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ‘service’ a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I am. Bookmark It Hide Sites

Courtesy Fart

When someone accidentally farts and is embarrased, you should, if you have one ready, let one fly as well. This is a courtesy fart. This is an opportune time for you to release since then the two fart smells will interfere and no one will discover how unbelievibly nasty your ass is. Boris farted as he bent over to pick up his shuttlecock at the badminton tournament. Shung Fe felt so bad for him that he offered up a courtesy fart. Unfortunately Shung Fe’s rice and eggnoodle fart could not completely mask the liverwurst and vodka fart from Boris, and everyone had to leave the court for 15 minutes. Bookmark It Hide Sites

Enragement ring

A piece of jewelry, typically a ring, that is purchased for a girlfriend in an effort to make her happy after you have made her angry. A: Wow, your girlfriend is pretty pissed that you were out all night and didn’t call her. What are you going to do? B: Yeah, you’re right, she’s pretty mad. I might have to buy her an ‘enragement ring’ to smooth things over. Bookmark It Hide Sites

Afterclap

afterclap — That last person/people who keep(s) clapping after everyone else has stopped. normally parents, but it could be die-hard fans etc. *Large chorus of clapping” Mom: “Did you hear little Billy’s singing?” Aunt: “Yes his voice really stood out” *Mother and Aunt only ones clapping still* Bystander 1: “That afterclap is lame, their kid totally sucks, it was a choir of 200 kids!” Bystander 2: “Yeah afterclap kills a show sometimes..” Bookmark It Hide Sites

Dick Magnet

The opposite of a chick magnet. Used to refer to anything or anyone who easily attracts guys. Also used with straight guys who easily attract gay guys (My personal favorite). “I’ve only been to a gay bar once” “Oh yeah? I bet you were a real dick magnet” Bookmark It Hide Sites

Know thy President Eish!

ZUMA’s WIVES Number one Sizakele Khumalo – whom he met in 1959. She lives at his rural R1,5-million home at Nkandla in northern KwaZulu- Natal and they have no children. Number two – Ex-wife Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma – Foreign Affairs Minister – with whom he had 4 children – Msholozi, 24, Gugu, 22, Thuli, 21 and Thuthi, 19. They divorced in June 1998 due to “irreconcilable differences.” Number three – Late wife Kate Zuma – with whom he had 5 children – Saady, 29, twins Duduzile and Duduzane both 25, Phumzile, 20 and Vusi. She committed suicide on December 8, 2000 after apparent strained relations with Zuma. Still on honeymoon Nompumelelo Mantuli Zuma – whom he married in January. She has 2 children Thandiswe, 7 and 8 month old Sinquobile. Waiting in the wings Thobeka Stacey Mabhija – with whom he has two children, including a 5 month old baby Mrs … Continue reading

Tweetless

Refraining from tweeting. Finding that you have nothing to tweet or write. Drawing a blank when contemplating your Twitter page. Also used when one is stunned or surprised by something viewed on Twitter. I’m tweetless after hearing that Aston Kutcher has stopped evangelizing Twitter. With nothing to do but describe my latest latte buying excursion I suddenly found myself tweetless. That boring Oprah was mercifully tweetless today. Bookmark It Hide Sites

Execubabble

Verbal executive communication in broad, vague terms that rise above normal speak. Characterized by an excessive use of executive words such as robust, paradigm, and drill down. Those on the receiving end of execubabble are no better informed after the speech than when it began. Execubabble Question: “How is the company doing? Answer: “We are entering a quarter in which we expect robust growth. Paradigms are shifting, but the team has drilled down to the heart of the challenge.” Bookmark It Hide Sites